Just turn on your radio [or whatever music you prefer] – every song, no matter guy or girl spilling their guts out [from Adele, to Nick Jonas, to Ariana Grande… Selena Gomez, jeez… let me stop right now] could be labeled as ‘needy’, just listen to the lyrics. So why does this fly in ‘arts’ but not real life??
Truth is – all homo sapiens are [eh, hating this word] ‘needy’, we are social animals. Why pretend that each of us is an island? Both men and women get together because they see ‘value’ in doing so. They ‘need’ something from the other they cannot self-produce – makes sense, so far…
What makes the whole thing so confusing is that we are force-fed mixed messages about what love is. On one hand – it’s supposed to enrich your life, color your world, make you feel like on cloud 9, merge with the divine, etc. On the other hand, we are told not to rely on someone else to make us happy, maintain independence, do not give your heart easily, and don’t have expectations.
What is going on here??
It’s the dope. Dopamine floods the brain, when a mutual attraction is experienced. And we all want MORE! Ever had a guy chase you to the moon to land you? [Spoiler: that was his ‘neediness’]. He needed to know there’s a lady out there who’s now crazy about him and the promise of a consummation between the sheets makes him even ‘needier’ and he pulls all the stops… [until, Mission Complete] (I’ll touch on this in a sec.) Basically, the guy’s ‘neediness’ flies under the radar as ‘interest and attraction’.
The girl is labeled as ‘needy’, when she also can’t get enough of her man (dopamine!!!) BUT, the difference is, her levels rise after the ‘chase’ [another world I’m not keen on], as she now has ‘a special man in her life’.
Why does this stupid dance [of who’s hot/cold] occur?
My theory is, that at an innate level, humans are intuitive if ‘affection’ is being ‘given’ or ‘taken’ from them. [Think of your roots – and how many of your can sincerely and lovingly embrace a parent? This is just an exercise.] So many times, the cause of love-ambivalence is that a parent ‘took’ affection from their child as their own ‘birth-right’, leaving the child depleted. So, as we grow up – it’s every wo/man for themselves.
Your man will initially get such a dope-thrill of courting you [to accomplish a goal – gf/sx], that he’ll get you the moon and the stars. However, if he gets a slightest hint you also ‘really want his affections for ‘OMG – YOURSELF??’ (Much like his mommy did). This is where the back-peddling starts. [This particular psych-condition is called the ‘hunter’ syndrome in men, btw.] Men want to be hunters = control. Cause mommy had control over them.
What to a girl to [f*cking] do?
Ladies… It’s Survival of the Fittest. Plain and simple. If you feel someday the Mr. Right will come and you are [and you are!] a catch, a princess… You maybe kissing an amphibian after amphibian. However, if you turn the table on this ‘strangely-re-wired’ male sex [yeah, cause I don’t believe that’s the intended ‘original wiring’, lol], become a warrior-princess, meet him at the chess-field, and win! Odd reference, but just think of Pride & Prejudice. 😉
Let me know your own thoughts….