Just as you reach that ‘sweet spot’ in your relationship with your new beau, something dreadful happens. He starts ‘back-peddling’ – calls unreturned, texts come 48hrs later (or just short of a missing person report), and he’s all of a sudden ‘busy’ with [insert any excuse here] to see you this week. Since things have been progressing so well – you have no clue why your guy is all of a sudden has morphed into a ghost.
Don’t freak out! It took me a looooonnnngggg time to understand this from male perspective. But, let’s reverse the situation, though in a different scenario.
Imagine a cliché Cinderella ‘dream-date’:
On a first date, your prince charming brings you 3 dozens of roses with fragrance that will make your head spin. At a lobster dinner, he presents you with diamond earrings, he just had to buy because they reminded him of you, the two of you dance under the moonlight to Sinatra, and then he shows you a reservation for an $800/night luxury hotel suite.
Of course, you are dazzled by his initiative and interest; however you are not about to subscribe to a 1-date relationship, so you begin planning your escape route (texting your girlfriend/sister to place a strategic ‘emergency’ call at exactly 10:45pm), then you are outta there.
Now, Imagine Your Guy’s View of Your Relationship:
Especially, when things couldn’t get better between the two of you – he’s freaking out on the inside. As you let your warm, loving and passionate nature flow at his direction only, and he feels so loved and honored, something happens… He begins to question where the relationship is headed, way long before you do! He’s imagining TV dinners, poopy-diapers, never ever freely leaving his soiled laundry on the floor for weeks (we’ve all done this 😉 ). So, what does he do? He’s planning his escape route. Only, unlike the ‘strategic move’ (in my personal experience), it is a more of a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction – a reflex.
So he’s scarce, clammed up, and is fully expecting your flood-gates of Hell to be unhinged by scary Ogres. If that happens – he’s confirmed in his decision, and will seek a perma-way out. If you do nothing, wait it out and play along – he’ll think ‘great – my cake is here, now where’s my fork?. If you, however, introduce a ‘consequence’ to his actions – that is the factor that will determine the future of your relationship.
More than anything, guys are afraid of ‘developing feelings’ (everyone has a fear of being hurt), so they’ll try to pull any shit they can get away with and still keep the ‘girl interested in them’. And if there’s no ‘consequence’ to their behavior… they win, and never have to ‘evolve’ their relationship. If however, the girl (is not all sugar and spice, and everything nice) can demonstrate by stealthily ‘ditching’ the guy, her strong value/self-worth, the scarcity of her time and attention — the guy-in-question will most likely review his behavior and realize he messed up in playing his Houdini act.
I’m not advocating not to trust men – but rather to trust yourself more, then these idiosyncrasies will be like signals bouncing off ‘your’ antenna and for you to interpret the ‘cause & effect’. [I say ‘interpret’, cause no 100% is guaranteed].
There’s so much elaboration needed here… I will get to it. Meanwhile,