Bantering/Teasing Women as Flirting

BanterThis post started out as a Comment on a fellow-blogger’s site The Dating Guy, but I finally realized it’s not cool to post blog-sized comments, out of consideration for those affected by ADD.  So I give you my 2 Abe Lincolns on The Dating Guy’s original post, titled Picking Up Women – Approach #27 – Banter Rocks! Woman In Bookstore By Philosophy Section:

Funny, I was a Philosophy minor in college…  

As a girl, I have to say – bantering is not 100% effective.  The guy who I know has a crush on me [reported to me by a 3rd party] (he owns a cafe where I sometimes work on my laptop). I kind of like him too.   So I noticed he began using bantering remarks to ‘spark the convos’.  I wear a pricey necklace as a soft of insignia, so he asked me “Do you sleep in it too?”  I found it a bit off-putting and said “Yeah – happened once”.

So the last time I was there, I ordered and iced-tea and a glass of milk.  He kept “forgetting” my order and for 2hrs serving everyone else but me.  I sensed, he was ‘ignoring’ me to get some sort of a reaction to his ‘slights’, and perhaps for me to even get annoyed and say something.  Instead, I asked a college-girl to watch my stuff, went over to a restaurant next door, got what I needed, came back — proceeded ‘business as usual’.  He noticed the ‘foreign’ cups on my table, didn’t say anything.

So, as I was ready to leave, and pay for the 1st iced tea he did bring me at the start.  As I placed the $$ on his counter, he wouldn’t look up at me, and proceeded texting on his phone.  He saw I wasn’t reacting to his ‘acting like a jerk’ moves, and then all of a sudden started a normal conversation.  But now I’m thinking less of him, that he (being an all-around great guy, on a shy side) had to resort to the ‘tactics’ and believe they would have a positive effect.  Bottom line — if you ‘act like a [nice] jerk’ — I will label you as a Jerk. [And perhaps even treat you… you guess it, as a Jerk].

I can appreciate sarcasm, however this type of humor [encompasses bantering/teasing] is actually a form of ‘hostility’ disguised as ‘humor’.  Perhaps some ladies respond to bantering/teasing – but for me, it’s so transparent and immature, and not a mark of a real man.

The Real Man Approach

If you want to approach a girl as a real man, don’t do it at her ‘expense’.  Say something you’ve observed (not about ‘her’).  Say something with sincerity, as she probably hasn’t experienced it before [cause most dudes who hit on her use Banter 😉 ].

In the article’s “Book Store Scene” the strange guy who’d pique my interest would say something ‘clever’.

Wit = Charm.  

For instance: [as I’m surfing the book shelves, he’s casually nearby and in-half whisper says]: “Can you imagine if all these books were played as audio-books at once?” and then smile in a sincere, non-threatening manner.  Or, example 2:

Boy: “Book-business is probably not a good business, don’t you think?”

Girl: “Idk.  Why?”

Boy: “How many books can a person realistically carry out of the store?”

Girl: [laughter]. “You’re right!”

See the difference between the Banter-approach and the Wit-approach?   Which one would you think would be more effective?  And which guy would be more charming — the ‘playful insult-funny’ guy or the ‘clever-funny’ man?

When a guy resorts to the popular tactics: Banter, Teasing, Compliments laced with Insults, Now You See Me/Now You Don’t…  This guy does not come across as truly confident [no matter his level of skill].  In fact, he ‘cheapens’ his value and reduces himself to a plain joke.  Not to mention, that most of the Banter lines guys sponge up second-hand online.  And… [and this is a big And], how can a guy stand out to – when the other guys are playing the same suit?

A Smart-Funny guy is just way more of a turn on.  Ladies, I can’t speak for all, so feel free to chime in!


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