The Myth of the Nice Shy Guy

nice shy guyWe all met those ‘great confident men’ who can sweep a woman of her feet by showering her with attention, affection, and chivalry.  😀  We also know well that this ‘prince’ will turn back into his amphibian form at the stroke of midnight [or what ever is his schedule].

But us ladies, still seem to romanticize the idea of a Nice Shy Guy.  I.e.: the man who’s quiet longing for us excites us.  This man ‘thinks’ of us day and night.  Our name is so sacred – he won’t utter it in public, yet repeating it silently with every breath.  He dares not to approach us for fear of falling at our goddess-feet – surrendering his sword, shield and armor and kissing the hem of our silk gown…

Which looks something like this

persee

However the reality is much more like this:

keep talking

The contrast is sharp, isn’t it?  Surprise-surprise [unfortunately]!   But what is it a Nice Guy Who’s  Shy, really?

He’s A Guy. Period.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not here to neg/bash men – never such intent, everyone deserves love and respect.   My goal is simply to understand the human society in which we are prevailed upon to be active… as females.   

Today….

I heard the man, an owner of a local eatery establishment, to let me in on the fact that he worked hard on building ‘good [nice guy] reputation’, in case there was a problem, and people will take his side first.  The [same] man I had a crush on (after discovering he had a crush on me for some time) did I get to be a witness to the ‘dark side of the Moon’?   He wanted to be accepted in his trade and I listened to him express his views.   It was kind of ‘refreshing’.  To see him say such words, yet of course… like many – in my mind, I painted him in ‘tempera- on-brain’ as a Saint/Martyr.  LOL. [Big Mistake]!   While also realizing a minute later, that he’s also Human [ergo – no pity-party for you, dear sir!]!!

What the F, if you wonder?

Well, unlike the majority of “Alphas”, they didn’t cast off their soul yet…   And all of these ‘Nice Guys/Shy” maybe are at different stages of doing so.  However, let us not fall so deeply into the fires of fate.  Let us look at a practical true example[ fyi – the characters here are not strangers….]:

Boy: the 30+ eatery-establishment owner tried to get attention by literally pulling  a lock of girl’s [my] hair.

Boy: Engaged her in conversation, but mid-point had to run in back inside, as a potential customer came in.

Girl: “Hey, nice lady – I’d like to have this book on ancient art.”

Lady: “You want it – you got it.”

Boy:  You don’t notice me when it’s [convenient] for me??  I ignore you from now on… “

Do notice that that the male specimen refrains from expressively making his  feelings known.  To some of us, it makes little sense to conceal what we want to happen that will likely bring joyful moments to all involved.  But for others, to reveal so – is to ‘surrender arms’.

So, the Shy Guys Play a Game

Under the guise of goodness and innocence, he tries to bait you into ‘surrendering your arms FIRST’.   Hence, so many dating sites will advise you to “ask the guy out first”.  If you follow along – you are playing into his plot: giving him the bulk of the power and being the vulnerable one.

Where’s the ‘confident’ guy will at least try to put up a front of Casanova to seduce you, the ‘shy guy’ will hope to accomplish it without lifting a finger.  He simply ‘reads’ you, and how much you are into him.  Then, he can kick back and wait for your ‘thousand ships’ to launch in order to get his attention [as if he’s (H)Ellen of Troy].

Yes, he may have been burnt badly before, but now it’s the turn of your benevolent galleons to burn at sea of love, should you give your heart to him freely.  The Shyness’s Armada is merciless – your struggle is his redemption.   Never, never under-estimate your ‘other’.

Can the Galleons’ Gold Be Salvaged?

Your ‘other’ grew up in the same unforgiving world as did you, my Lady.  Always, always see clearly what is beneficial for you.   Your favorite’ Lord of Bullshits ‘ will have no power over you if you think him a ‘subject’ [however loyal or unloyal] – you are your own ‘Majesty’, anointed as a Sovereign, and no one can challenge your rule over your self!

And your Decree is as follows when it comes to Lord NiceShyGuy:

  1. Your Majesty will have patience and non-chalance, as the seas will test your fortitude.
  2. Your Majesty will have will-power [not to texts – at all!] – mobile social media is ruing close personal relationships that have a chance to flourish face-to-face.  (This is no coincidence – but due to another topic.)
  3. Your Majesty, upon spotting a suitable prospect will allow him sufficient time to ‘reveal himself’. [Is he Acis, the sweet shepherd-boy —  or Holophernes, the giant cyclope? [P.S,: You are the Galatea here]”.
  4. Your Lord instinctively longs for you to shed your defenses for his sole benefit. It’s human nature.  Yet, however ‘Shy’, he’ll put up defenses against you…. No Spanish Armada has seen so far!!!   Defy anything he knows as familiar and you advance.  F*** Armada — you deserve the tenderest love there is!
  1. Even if Perseus himself offered you irrepayable services…. Do not yield to the agitated expectations, wishes/dreams of you returning some kind of favor. It is best to thank the bestowing party, with no indication of repayment [unless it is of your own will!].
  2. And of course… your Majesty’s time is too valuable for even your most longing subjects to see you at any one point. So award the greater face-time with those who are benevolent towards you; et vice versa, Regina.

Yours Truly,

Alessante

2 thoughts on “The Myth of the Nice Shy Guy

  1. “Under the guise of goodness and innocence, he tries to bait you into ‘surrendering your arms FIRST’. Hence, so many dating sites will advise you to “ask the guy out first”. If you follow along – you are playing into his plot: giving him the bulk of the power and being the vulnerable one.”

    So in other words he should risk everything while you risk nothing?

    “Where’s the ‘confident’ guy will at least try to put up a front of Casanova to seduce you, the ‘shy guy’ will hope to accomplish it without lifting a finger. He simply ‘reads’ you, and how much you are into him. Then, he can kick back and wait for your ‘thousand ships’ to launch in order to get his attention [as if he’s (H)Ellen of Troy].”

    And how is this any different from how most women expect men to make the first move. How is this any different from women expecting male attention without having to lift a finger. This is so biased, self-serving, and transparent it’s hard to believe that you’re serious. If you want to be the “passive, submissive” one while the guy is the aggressor/pursuer at least be honest about it. But demonizing shy guys just because they don’t pursue the way you want them to is beyond childish.

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    1. Sideckick, you mis-understand…. I’m on your side. We need the real good guys!!!! My writing style is exaggerated, I’ll admit, but for a purpose of emphasis. There’s risk on both sides, and there’s the unfortunate human tendency to want ‘more’ for ‘less’. However…

      If you believe that it’s unfair for the guy to pay for dates, buy flowers, treasure his lady-love — the best counter-argument to that I overheard somewhere was: it is also unfair that women spend 9 months having a tenant in their uterus, and enduring the pains of childbirth to continue the existance of man-kind.

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