When we seek love… it escapes us. When we shun love, it runs chases after…. That is not Love, that is an oxymoronic phenomenon created as a result of early conditioning and lies…
The Early Lies
The first people we love are our parents/care-givers, who’s loving gaze lets the baby feel safe, warm and loved. Inevitably, the lies we are fed, along with the breast milk of our mother come from many directions.
One Lie, is a question commonly asked of a small child: “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” Seemingly innocent inquiry, it places a child’s existence under question. To rephrase it: “You are nothing now, what will you construct your masked self to look like?”.
The common responses include: “I want to be: a fire-man, a doctor, a super-hero, a princess….” These plant the seeds of early narcissism, where the adult-child will define Love as ‘I am loved, because I am important…. Because I have an impact on other people, et cetera…” The little narcissists in training.
The other response is a blank stare from a toddler, wondering: “Heck, I can’t see that far in the future” so they will respond with a vague: “I don’t know….” These adults will be trapped in a continuous cycle of the search for the perfect love, never quite finding it.
This simple question creates a doubt in the psyche, from an exterior source that urges it to ‘construct itself, or be a non-entity’. Extremely damaging, annihilating what Is, and setting the bar for Being.
But, what if a small child, being asked the same question has answered: “What do you mean ‘what I want to be’? I am what I am – flesh, blood, mind, spirit, connected by consciousness”.
This is the adult that will be capable of knowing Love, as they do not internalize the lie. There will be no fear of them losing themselves to Love, as they know that they are who they are, and no external entity can adulterate that.
The Second Lie
‘Love thyself first’ or, the equivalent ‘No one will love you, if you do not love yourself first’. If earlier holds true, how can those, who have no real notion of themselves, truly Love themselves first? This Lie is told in order to keep Love at bay; make a Lie seem like Love and vice versa, to the disappointment to all involved.
Why do we view Love as a Gift, and a Relationship as some form of Obligation? The answer is simple: Love is something we expect to receive/ Relationship is something we are expected to ‘give’. So the cycle of push/pull, approach/avoidance commences… This is not Love.
Love is not for the faint hearts
True Love inspires men to be fearless – with their true love by their side, they feel they can take on the world. These hearts are open and worthy of Love. The fearful hearts will always repel True Love, ironically searching endlessly for the ‘Idealized love’ that does not exist. Some even develop a stone-like armor around their weakened hearts that shun Love all together, and are resigned to stump this Earth alone.
The above ‘types’ of hearts are often mis-interpreted as follows [in respective order]:
- Open/Worthy – Vulnerable [exposed to injury]
- Fearful — Hopelessly Romantic
- Stone-walled – Strong, Fixed, Unshakable
As you see, the illusion that is being sold to us is an inversion of truth. This illusion is perpetuated to ‘protect’ from ‘injuries’ to our hearts that Love supposedly can deliver. This is the myth. Love by itself is not dangerous. That phantom danger stems directly from the hearts that are faint. One faint heart cannot love another faint heart; it creates pain and distress. Yet this is what the majority of the population will endure. That’s why True Love is rare, and experienced by the ‘lucky’ few as bliss and happiness.
Again, we are duped into believing that we cannot rely on Love for Happiness. Somehow, we must ‘instinctively’ bring love to ourselves [from ourselves] and ‘choose’ to be happy, further drifting away the possibility of experiencing True Love, robbing it of its gifts. We do not ‘believe’ in True Love.
There’s a saying, that there is a ‘mirror’ that even the bravest of men dare not to look into, for they are afraid at what reflection they will see – their True Selves, not the social masks they worked hard to construct and make others accept as authentic selves.
If you dare, to look at that mirror… To accept yourself as you are, not how others see you. To really ask your self, which beliefs [about everything in the world] are truly yours and which have been ‘sold’ to you, and internalized. If you can shed those ‘second-hand’ beliefs, and look at the world with fresh eyes, the possibilities that can open up to you will be endless. This includes, the possibility of True Love.